The question of whether to take a child to a funeral is difficult and controversial. All situations are different and have their own nuances. However, funerals for grandparents often take place during the childhood of the grandchildren. Children need to be taught to properly experience the loss of a loved one, because sooner or later he will still face death.
Child's age
If the child is very small (up to 2, 5 years old), then he is still unlikely to be able to understand the meaning of the funeral. The kid will only get tired and will be capricious. So, it is better not to take a child under 2, 5 years old to the funeral or provide for the opportunity to leave with him as soon as he gets tired.
Even if we are talking about a child over 3 years old, you need to make sure that he is at the funeral under the constant supervision of a particular adult. This adult will have to not only look after the child, but also explain to him the meaning of what is happening. Around this age, the baby already begins to understand what a funeral is and why they are needed.
At any age, you must consider the child's wishes. In no case should you insist if the child does not want to go to the funeral. Also, beware of imposing guilt on the child for refusing to go to the funeral. In such a situation, be sure to talk to your child, discuss the reasons for his reluctance. It can be anxiety, and inadequate ideas about the funeral itself, or something else. Already knowing the reason for the child's refusal, you can eliminate it, help the child cope with their experiences. In most cases, children are willing to be part of the family and participate in funerals.
Why take a child to a funeral
Funeral is a necessary ritual in our culture. The last goodbye is essential for the normal grief experience. For a person who has not attended a funeral, it is more difficult to come to terms with the loss. The same applies to children. But the funeral will have a positive effect on the psyche of the child only if you are willing and ready to participate in them.
Using the example of a funeral, you can also explain to a child what death is.
Before the funeral
Even before you take the child to the funeral, you must definitely explain: what a funeral is, what will happen there, how people will behave there. A child should know what death is. Also tell him that people at funerals may cry or even scream. This should not shock the child later.
On funeral
Do not expect or demand that your child sit quietly through the entire funeral. Children get tired easily at such events and lose interest in them. It is normal for the child to attend the funeral only part of the day. You can also take your child outside to play and take a walk.
At a funeral, you should listen carefully to what others have to say to your child. The words of different adults can confuse the baby. Some adults will say to him "Be brave and strong", while others - "Cry." Do not give instructions on how the child should feel either. It will be much better if you help him understand his feelings and express them adequately. This is how you teach your child to cope with loss.
If this is a funeral of a person who is very close to the child, you can come up with a special goodbye for him. Let the child put his drawing to the deceased, for example.
After the funeral
The child comprehends new information in the game. Therefore, do not be surprised if, after participating in the funeral, the child reproduces in his games some rituals and ceremonies from the last farewell. Also, do not be alarmed when a child begins to pretend to be dead or sick. This is how a child comprehends death.
